TV Cooks

I am getting completely addicted to food-related TV programs, mainly on Discovery Travel & Living. I watch them the way some people watch Prison Break or Heroes, sometimes even with a pen and a writing pad in hand, especially when they are India-specific. And recently, as I lay sick at home, all I did was browsing channels for anything related to food and cooking.

This is when I first watched a Nigela Watson show. I had heard a lot about her, and even read somewhere that men were crazy about her voluptious figure and sexy ways of dishing out exotic yet easy meals. So I was only too excited to see what the fuss is all about. Her figure is voluptious alright. And I wonder how the men who watch the show can concentrate on anything happening below her chest. But really... To me she looked like an oversized aunty, and I didn't like the fact that everything she made consisted of ingredients taken out of cans and bottles exclusively. Her accent drove me mad and I still have nightmares of her saying: "and, at the end, a generous squirrrrt of wasaaaaabhi..." Yucks! So unappetising! Sorry, boys!

If I was not happily hitched, I would have hunted down Anthony Bourdain on one of his adventures, tied him up and forced him into marrying me! The man is so cool, so composed, yet so funny and sharp. He is also an ex-chef, so he can cook me dinner all while telling me about hunting boar in New Zealand and drinking with tribesmen. I would not mind his absences, simply because I would be following him everywhere he goes! I loved watching (again) the episode on India, where he watches Arvind Singh of Udaipur cook while sitting; has extra strong bhang in Jaisalmer only to wake up later, lying face down in the desert, with a lone camel shepherd squatting beside him; rides on the top of a bus; gets completely high on cocktails and a hookah at The Lake palace; gets his horoscope done and, with a straight face, listens at an analysis of his sex life (apparently not that good!) in front of a camera.

But let's finally talk about Kylie Kwong. If you haven't heard about her, you are probably just coming back from an extended vacation on Mars. And if you love food, you better tune in next time her show is on! Of Chinese descent, she lives in Australia, and cooks the most divine Chinese food (yes, I have tasted it time and again with my eyes and I can assure you it's DELICIOUS!). Here's an accent I love! I even love her geeky frames and the way she frowns while focussed on what's happening on the stove. And normally what's happening is pure poetry! From the way she shops for ingredients, through the process of chopping, explaining and actually cooking, Kylie has me hypnotised and drooling, every time she says "beautiful!" (her favourite word). A week ago I watched transfixed as she made crispy peking duck with plum sauce. I love her kitchen, and the way she cuts on a thick wooden slab. I love the little touch in her show where while waiting for something to bake or boil, she sits down and reads cookbooks. I love how every show ends with friends coming over and eating what she has prepared, and the look on her face as they show appreciation. Kylie, you're the best!!!

Padma Lakshmi (Salman Rushdie's model ex-wife) may be a really glamourous gal, but she also knows her Indian cuisine. In her show Planet Food she travels around India, exploring the cusines of different states. She is even gutsy enough to try and make papad with village women. She radiates beauty and intelligence, and is a natural in front of the camera. I love the way she bonds with simple Indian people, and has the gift of breaking the ice with her smile and humour. Despite her stunning looks, she somehow doesn't look out of place, even when she helps a cook in a temple kitchen stir a giant bubbling pot of rasam. Her descriptions of food are very correct, you could almost taste the crispiness of a dosa as she talks about it, and then you can feel the softness of the potato stuffing as Padma "mmmm"s about it. What I learnt from her show:
- papad dough is cut by a thread outstretched between a woman's big toe and her hand
- Chennai has the only in the world pepper stock exchange
- the longest dining table in the world is in Hyderabad's Falaknuma Palace
- MTR - an abbrevation that I have seen on many a spice box, actually means The Mallavi Tiffin Room - an institution in Bangalore, a restaurant buily in the 1920s, famous for its delicious vegetarian food and stringent cleanliness standards

Vir Sangvhi may look like a recovering overweight alcoholic and talk so slow that you just want to shake him up, but the man has his style and his A Matter Of Taste is the only comprehensive program on Indian cuisine and culture. I just wish they gave him more air time. His trips are always too rushed, and just when you are settling comfortably to enjoy the ride, it's over!

There are also a couple of shows whose names I have forgotten. One is really cute, about people who are a complete disaster in the kitchen, but want to learn. They go to a chef who teaches them an entire meal which is very simple, but very visually appealing and interesting in taste. They have to learn it, then cook it for their family. It is great to watch people who are so clumsy with food, slowly gain confidence. One of them was anonymously put into a competition for professional chefs and ... won. Simply because the others tried to make things too elaborate to impress the judges. Awesome!